Back to Square One....kind of!!!!

I haven't posted on here for some time!  I think for a couple main reasons.  #1:  No one reads this so sometimes I think, what's the point? #2:  I'm embarrassed and disappointed with myself and how I haven't sticked to getting healthy, like I had been doing so well before.  I think now it's time to get back this, knowing that people still won't read it but also knowing that this is an excellent journal of my up AND downs in trying to achieve my goal of being healthy and looking more fit and healthy.

This year has been really tough for me, as far as fitness goes.  I felt like I lost my love and fire for racing.  This came for a few reasons (change in running partners, race partners, feeling defeated, etc.) but, mostly I was burnt out.  I felt like my purpose and drive for running was not really there anymore.  That scared me and I suffered for it, mentally AND especially physically!  I decided it was time to take a break from racing because racing was meant to be enjoyed and I just wasn't enjoying it.  However, I feel like I'm getting that fire back again.  It's been 2 years since I did the marathon.  My biggest fear and worry of doing it again was a fight I had mentally.  Mentally, I don't have the confidence, desire, or strength to do it again....until now.  I volunteered for the St. George Ironman as well as the St. George Marathon.  It did my heart and soul good to be part of those events.  Seeing those athletes, each and everyone of them, push their bodies to their limits, reminded me of why I was doing it in the first place.  I want to push my body and mind beyond the boundaries I have set for myself.  I think another reason I've been scared to do it is because I'm alone on my training.  The girl's I trained with the first time have all gone different ways with their training, and have different goals.  Jocelyn is KILLING IT in Crossfit and really loves and does well at it!  Amber Blair has taken to Ironman competitions, getting a lot stronger, and is do amazing things!  Amber Sheffield also has been doing Ironman competitions, swimming competitions, and getting stronger.  I know that I can't rely on others to push me through.  My friend's, Brittany & JJ, have been amazingly supportive.  Her and I talked about me doing the marathon again and she's already giving me the push and desire to do it!  I know they'll help me anyway they can and give me support!  Then, there are a couple other girl's who have said they would like to do the marathon and run with me.  Amber Blair is doing it next year and said she'd love to carpool for the long runs so, that takes a huge stress off!  Unfortunately, I am not naive to the training it takes for a marathon so, it's scary and makes me nervous but, stepping out of my comfort zone is really going to help me grow.  I want to prove to myself that I can do better and have more faith and confidence in myself and my abilities.  On top of that, I need to get back to losing weight and getting healthy again because I know I can do it!!!!

I'm dealing with kidney stones in my left kidney.  It's very painful and can prevent me from doing things sometimes.  I am hoping that by exercising more and eating healthier, that I will be in less pain until the stone decides to pass or break up, etc.

My next race that I am actively training for is the Las Vegas Ragnar.  It is in 2 weeks and I'm excited!  It's the most fun race!  I really enjoy it! I will be doing the Baker's Dozen Half Marathon Relay in December.  That's always a fun, low-stress race.   I also know that for my half marathon, to prepare for the marathon, I will be doing the Ogden Half Marathon.  I've ran the course a couple times, in running the marathon relay, and I really enjoy it.  It's beautiful, great temperatures, and an awesome crowd!

So, here's to starting over again, back to square one, kind of.

Meant to Be or NOT Meant to Be! THAT is the question!!!!

So, I'm scheduled to have breast reduction surgery on August 13, a week from TODAY!!!!  It's SO CLOSE but, feels like the universe is trying to keep it from happening.

Whether it's my insurance details, the Dr.'s office forgetting to fax stuff over to get my surgery on the admittance/docket list, the Dr.'s office forgetting to fax over the claim to my insurance or WHATEVER (the Dr.'s office claims to have faxed everything but, with the said faxes not showing up at both my insurance company AND the admittance department, I don't think that's just a missing fax)....I've just had it!!!!  I think one more blow and I will just forget the WHOLE DAMN THING!!!!  My parents and Mike's parents have been AMAZING and EXTREMELY SUPPORTIVE!!!!  My Dad keeps urging me on, telling me to NOT GIVE UP, and we'll make this happen.  I'm a ball of nerves and emotions.  Mike is upset, mad, stressed, and just over this whole thing.  He hasn't really wanted me to do it from the get-go and I don't think he really thought it would come to pass.  Nonetheless, here it is, staring me in the face, knocking on my door!  My Mom is supposed to come on Saturday, to help me with my kiddo's, etc. while I'm recovering but, even that is up in the air until we get the kinks, finances, and details all worked out!  With everything now being a last minute push because of the faxes supposedly getting lost in translation, I'm just SUPER STRESSED out!  This is SO out of my hands and it drives me crazy!  I hate waiting on other people to decided my fate.  It's like when I tried out for sport's teams and waiting to see if I made the team or not!  UGH!!!!

To most people reading this, you may think this is a small thing, not important, and stupid to worry about.  To me it is a BIG THING!  This surgery is something I've dreamed about for YEARS!!!!!  For it to be so close that I can touch it is KILLING me and to know I'm so close to having it not happen is KILLING me!!!!!  So, I guess this is TO BE CONTINUED.........

Bryce Canyon 1/2 Marathon 2014

On July 11-12th, 2014, Mike and I head to Bryce Canyon.  My brother-in-law Steve and I were signed up to do the Bryce Canyon 1/2 Marathon.  So, Mike and I met up with and shared a room with my sister, Stacey, and her husband, Steve.  It was really fun to see them, hang out, and just be goofy.  Especially with my sister!  We're good at being crazy and goofy together!!!!  Steve was exhausted was exhausted from having to be up at 3:30am to work that morning.  So, he immediately crashed in the hotel room the rest of the night, after we picked up our race packet.

****We just HAD to go to the Prairie Dog Gift Shop!  I still get a kick out of the name, since it has a gross connotation to it!  The ice cream was from HEAVEN!!!!****

We got back to the hotel to get ready for bed, etc.  My friend, Jocelyn, arrived later on.  She hung out and talked for a bit before we went to bed.  Once she left for her room, I started laying out all of my race stuff.  I like to lay it out the night before, make sure I have everything out that I'll need, because in the morning I'm so nervous and not thinking straight, that I know I'll forget something.  Well, to my utter dismay, frustration, and anger, I first came to realized that I had forgot to pack my iPod w/ headphones.  To many it sounds silly that I would get so upset.  However, I CANNOT run without music.  I get bored and the thoughts running through my head get too strong.  My music helps energize me and push me and drowned out all the negative thoughts in my head.  I was SO UPSET because I had made sure to pack them!  Then, last minute I had thought of a couple songs I wanted to add to my running playlist.  So, I had taken my iPod out of my suitcase to download them.  Well, I got distracted forgot to pack them up again.  UGH!!!!!  I was SO MAD and VERY UPSET!  I totally let it get to me!!!!!  So, for the next MANY hours, Mike and my sister worked very hard to get songs downloaded onto Mike's phone.  They were able to get into my playlist that had some of my songs but, not all of them.  Mike worked until 2am getting my list put together.  So, instead of going to bed at my normal time, I went to bed extremely late, extremely anxious, extremely upset and didn't get the sleep I needed.  

Morning came!  I woke up around 4:45 and started getting dressed.  I grabbed my clothes and found I hadn't packed my lucky running shorts that I have ran EVERY race in!!!!  This upset me too!  I love to run in those shorts, especially for my races!  They keep me cooled off and they also have a couple hidden pockets to store GU, etc.  Instead, I had packed some regular workout capris, which is fine and all but, still not my shorts.  I usually wear my compression socks but, knew I'd get hot with compression socks AND capri's (plus it would look DORKY, ha ha)!  So, I took off my compression socks (which I have never done) and ran with regular ankle socks.  I was nervous about this but, in case I forget, it didn't make a difference not having them on!  I also had some goals: finish in 2:45 and finish feeling good, not sick, and not dying.

****Steve (my brother-in-law), myself, Jocelyn****

The 3 of us got out to the starting line.  Steve was warming up by jogging all over the place, ha ha!  We found Amber Blair and her husband, Brian.  Pretty soon it was time to start the race.  We took off our jackets, put them in the clothing van, and we lined up.  This year, as we were getting ready to take off, fireworks went off!  It was so AWESOME!!!!  I don't remember them doing it last year but, of course, last year was my first half marathon and I was a HUGE ball of nerves!

The race began and I was feeling fine!  I knew there were over a dozen people I knew running this race so, I kept an eye out for them, although I knew many of them were way ahead of me!  The first person that came upon me was Dustin Tollefson!  He's like a brother to me and it was fun to see him for the short time I did!  He looked awesome and was running along, like he didn't have a care in the world.  He made it look so easy and effortless.  He ended up finishing a lot sooner than he had planned!  GO DUSTIN!!!

The next person I saw was Sam Hill.  He's in my ward and he and his wife, Barbara, have been a HUGE supporter in my running journey!  He is always asking how my running is going, how my races are, and was even at the marathon when I crossed the finish line.  Such an amazing, sweet, motivating person!  He too was doing VERY WELL and was just trucking along.

Then I ran into Joel Kroff.  Joel is in my ward, as well as my townhome manager!  He and his wife, Miriam, have been another HUGE supporter of mine!  They've really has been so excited and proud of me!  He was fun to see!!!!  I had been ahead of him but, when I got sick at mile 5-ish, he surged ahead and beat me.

 ****Miriam & Joel Kroff, Barbara & Sam Hill, myself****

The downhill part, after 1 1/2 miles into the race, was awesome!  I had a blast and loved it!  I felt great and really was right on my time with where I wanted to finish! I had even met some new friends.  These 2 ladies were so awesome, motivating, and just plain fun!!!!!  Then.....mile 5 hit me like a brick wall!!!!

I usually always get sick to my stomach at some point of each race but, it's usually around mile 7 or 8 and it comes on slowly and then leaves fast.  This time it hit me FAST!!!!!  And it lasted longer than usual.  I wonder if a lot of it too was the fact that I was so upset with my headphones, etc. that my nerves got the best of me.  Who knows?  So, I got super sick and wanted to die.  It finally let up and I was able to start running again.  I was afraid I had missed Mike and my sister as they were driving along the route.  However, I had just started running again, when they passed me!  One part of me was EXCITED to see them.  The other part of me wanted them to come back and pick me up.  I was pretty upset after being so sick.  It really set me back on my goal and kind of deflated me.  My 2 friends were way ahead of me but, then I decided to make a goal.  I knew that I was not going to hit my timed goal.  I would have to run faster than I ever had and I just wasn't feeling 100%.  So, I decided I would make a goal to try and beat those 2 ladies I had became friends with.  I could NOT see them anywhere so, I didn't know if it would happen but, I would sure try.  So, I was trucking along.  Finally, I saw them!!!!!  It was couple miles but, I finally caught up.  I think it was around mile 10 or 11 that I finally caught up with them and then PASSED them!!!!!  I still thought they might pass me so I just kept pushing and pushing.  Then around mile 12 I had had it!   I was in tears and just wanted to be done!  My brother-in-law, against his will, came back for me!  It was just what I needed to finish the race!  He talked and talked and talked so I didn't hear my own thoughts but, just heard him talking.  It was perfect!  Then, when I had about a 1/3 of a mile left, I came upon my friend, Kendra Tollefson!  I ADORE Kendra and have loved spending time with her!  She and her husband, Dustin, are such a positive influence on me!!!!  Next, I saw Jocelyn.  Jocelyn is AMAZING!  Even, when she doesn't want to do these races anymore, because she's ROCKING it at Crossfit, she does them anyway because she is THAT good of a friend!  Then, I saw my sister and my hubby!  Such a happy moment when is start to see everyone because then I KNOW that I can do it!!!!  Together, the 5 of us ran together and they all helped me to finish strong!!!!

****My sister, Stacey, her husband, Steve, myself, Jocelyn, Kendra****

As I came upon the finish line, I felt GOOD!  I didn't feel like I wanted to puke, die, or even cry!  I felt amazing and felt so loved because I had so many people that stayed there to cheer me on, even though I finished SO LATE in the race!!!!!  That meant SO MUCH to me!  There was Mike, Stacey & Steve (my sister and her hubby), Jocelyn, Dustin & Kendra Tollefson, Danyelle Evans (a friend on made while training for the St. George marathon, Sam & Barbara Hill, Joel & Miriam Kroff, and Chad & Marci Nell)!!!!  I couldn't believe it!  I have amazing people in my life!!!!

I DID IT!!!!!

****Steve, myself, Jocelyn****

 ****myself & Danyelle Evana****

 

 ****Jocelyn, myself, Kendra & Dustin Tollefson****

 

 ****The Kroff's, Hill's, & myself****

So, the Bryce Canyon Half was done and over!  Honestly, I don't plan to do this particular race again!  I had to do it again to prove I could do it better!  I did it a lot slower, yes, but I felt stronger after and that's an accomplishment for sure!  Now, I'd like to try some other half marathons, like the Top of Utah Half Marathon.  That's definitely on my bucket list.

Color Me Rad 5k 2014

On May 10, 2014, we participated in the 3rd annual Color Me Rad 5k, at the old St. George airport runway.  I first did this race with Shannon (my sister in law), when they came to St. George 3 years ago.  The following year, Shannon, Connor and Rylie did it with me and Rylie DID NOT enjoy it!  This year Shannon, Connor, Rylie, and Corie signed up to do it.  Connor ended up having Father & Son's campout the same time so, he chose to go to the over-nighter.  So, the girl's and I did it this year.  The night before, we went and got white t-shirts and stuff to decorate our shirts.  I made them so we would all match.  They turned out pretty cute.

The morning of the race came and the girls were SO EXCITED!  We all got ready and got our fun outfits on and headed to the race.  Corie was her typical demanding, grouchy self.  However, once the race started, she was so happy and excited!  Rylie and Corie took off running and they did so well.  Rylie was much happier this year and was happy and motivated the entire race.  Corie did awesome the first mile and looked so cute running!  After about a mile, she became really mad!  She didn't want to go the way we were supposed to and when I would try to go get her, she'd keep running the opposite way.  Finally, she threw herself to the ground!  So, Shannon and Rylie kept going the route of the race.  Corie and I cut through so she would stop freaking out.  When there was about 3/4 of a mile left, I finally put Corie on my shoulders and ran to the finish line with her.  Oh she was a crabby mess!  I'll have to think twice about taking her next year!  Rylie had a great time though and did so well!  I was proud of my girls!  

Its been a fun family tradition of ours and I look forward to doing it next year!

Dogtown 1/2 Marathon

Jocelyn and I, right before the race started!

 At the finish line, with my medal

I signed up for the Dogtown 1/2 Marathon excited but, also nervous.  I had heard about this course and it seemed hard and seemed SO LONG!  It started near the Harley Davidson store in Hurricane and ended clear out by Staheli Farms, in Washington Fields!  Then, the week it got here, I was wishing I hadn't signed up.  I was very nervous about it!  Previous to race day, I had ran the last few miles of the course, so I would know what to expect.  I think that was a mistake in some ways.  It was THE WORST part of the course, very uphill, and wore me out!  Not to mention, psyched me out!  

Race day was BEAUTIFUL and could not have been more perfect!  I found Jocelyn, my willing running buddy!  I also ran into a few other friends, which is always fun!  The race started out well,  I felt ok and was doing well.  Some parts I really struggled but, some parts I felt great!  We even passed some people!  That's always motivating!  As usual, I had a great time with Jocelyn!  We always have great conversation, she's a lot of fun, and she is also very motivating!  She doesn't let me slack too much but, also understands when I need to just do my thing.  The end was TOUGH!  We conquered the hill at the end but, I was pretty beat before that!  It's tough because right before you turn to go up the hill, you are just a couple blocks from the finish line.  So, mentally that was hard for me!  To know it was right there but, I still had 3 miles to go.  The last 3 miles were yucky and I just wanted to quit.  However, somehow, some way, I was able to finish with a new PR time for my half marathon!  That was a huge surprise and I was very happy about it!

Honestly, I think I'll do this race again, just to do it without psyching myself out!  I know I can do it!  I've done half's before!  It's just getting my head out of my butt and to get going!!!!!!

Inhaler Refill?! What?!?!

For the time, in EVER, I used up all my inhaler before the expiration date hit.  That has NEVER happened.  Which means, I am actually using it!  Which means, I am actually exercising, Ha ha!

It's a Strange Feeling.....

In 2 days, it will be time to sign up for the 2014 St. George Marathon.  It's a strange feeling to not be signing up for it!  It feels like I just signed up for the 2013 marathon!  The excitement of it all is so fun and parts of me are jealous of those signing up.  There are also parts of me that are ok with not signing up and doing it this year!  The main and almost only reason I am not doing it this year is because I need to give my family more of my time this summer!  Last year my family sacrificed a lot so that I could be around for my training runs on Saturdays.  So, we didn't do a lot of camping or Saturday activities because after a run I'd usually be dead to the world the rest of the day.  This year I want to be able to go and do family things and not worry that I got to bed too late or that I'm not in town because I need to be able to do my long run.  Also, mentally, doing the marathon right now scares the crap out of me.  So, this year I will continue to do half marathons and keep my running up.  I'm also getting the breast reduction, which would take out of HUGE CHUNK of the training I would be doing.  However, 2015 I will be coming back to sign up!  I want to do it again to prove to myself that I can do it better and finish stronger!!!!!  I have it in me!