The Struggle

I've been slacking off my workouts BIG TIME!!!!  I haven't quit all together.  I'm just not consistently going.  It kills me.  All I can say is that life's challenges and struggles I am going through are weighing so heavy on me both mentally AND physically!!!!  Most nights I go to bed crying so, when I wake up in the morning I feel TERRIBLE and end up going back to bed.  I work out by myself so, the only person I have to answer to is me.  So, I am having a hard time, period.

Recently I had a visit with a plastic surgeon, to get evaluated, to see if I would qualify for a medical reduction.  The news was good and he feels very strongly that my insurance with approve me.  One of the qualifications would be the need to remove at least 500 grams of tissue and at this point I'm over 900 grams.  My Dr. said when they approve it, he is required to do the surgery within 3 months, or the approval process starts over.  My Dr. did say though that he would prefer me to be closer to my goal weight.  The reason being is because when they do the surgery, they are going to be doing a lift at the same time.  If I lose the weight I'm wanting to lose, my lift will basically go away and I'll be floppy and may not be as happy.  When he told me this I said I didn't care and wanted it done NOW.  He understood that and said he was ok with that too.  However, I slept on it last night, and deep down I know that I would be happier with the results if I waited and had it done when I was either at or closer to my goal weight.  Which means I need to lose another 50-60 more lbs.  Some would say that this is the perfect motivation, which it should be.  However, I'm feeling overwhelmed, a little hopeless, and worn out.  I thought I would've lost more weight this year, with all the training and intense working out I did to train for the marathon.  It just didn't happen though.  I also know it's my fault I'm in this mess.  I just feel so unable to accomplish the task at hand and worry if I have it in me.  So, I am going to do my ABSOLUTE BEST the next 6 months!  I'm going to recommit myself and do everything in my power to get to my goal weight in 6 months.  Then, at the end of those 6 months, I will revisit the reduction surgery.  Another reason I want to wait until then is I want to the Spectrum 10k race in March and the Bryce Canyon 1/2 Marathon in July.  The recovery for the surgery is 6 weeks and then I would have to retrain and I just don't think I'd have the training time I need.  So, which it's annoying and I'm kicking myself, I know I'd be happier in the end to wait and have the surgery done when I'm down more in weight.