I LOVED this and had to post it! It's interesting as what started out as a bucket-list item has become more than that and has taught me so many things. I'm definitely NOT the same person I was when I started this journey. Many things I like about myself and the person I've become. However, there are also things that I don't like about myself. Some of the things that need to change, after the marathon is done, is I need to put more focus on my family and my husband.
My family and husband have been the ones who have sacrificed through all of this. Sometimes it hasn't been a big deal. During the week, I'm always gone to the gym while everyone is asleep and no one knows I'm gone. However, on Saturday's, we haven't really done much. My Saturday's don't just start Saturday morning. They start Friday, sometimes as early as 8:30pm, because I have to be up at 3:30am or 4:00am. So, we haven't done any camping, or many weekend get-aways like we usually would because my answer is always, "No, because I have to run Saturday morning." I knew and they all knew it was part of the process but, it gets old for them after a while, and even for me here and there. When I get home from run, it's usually anywhere from 9:30am-11am. When I do get home, I'm EXHAUSTED and sore often. There are many times that adrenaline is running high and I'm chipper and moving around. Once it runs out though, I'm wiped out! I usually take a shower and then head to bed for a few hours to try and rest and get some of my energy. But, then I get up and I'm stiff as a board and can barely walk.
The house has been neglected. I always clean here and there through the week but, not too much because I know that the destroying angel (my kids) will attack my house. Saturday's have always been my deep-cleaning days because I love going to bed on Saturday nights with a clean house and wake up on Sunday morning to a clean house. Well, that has not been the case for many months. I just don't ever have the energy or motivation to do it on Saturday's so, I'm very embarrassed about the way my house looks.
I know that through all of the things I've neglected, I remember most why I did this and what and who I've become because of all of this. I've become more healthy, I'm losing the weight that is holding me down. I'm learning to commit and stick with something, and see it through, even if it's the hardest thing I've ever done. I'm learning about myself and what areas I need to really improve. I still have a long ways to go on improving myself. Mentally, I am very weak, and need to be SO MUCH stronger. That is a process that will go on forever. Physically, I've gone so far but, nowhere as far as I still have yet to go. I STILL need to lose another 80-100 lbs. to get to my goal weight. I don't think about that often because I look at how hard I've worked to lose the 57 lbs. I've lost so far. To think I have 80-100 lbs. more is EXTREMELY overwhelming to me! I was hoping and thought I'd for sure lose 10 lbs. a month, which would've put me at nearly 100 lbs. weight loss right now! Can you imagine? I think my running performance would be SO MUCH better if I didn't have as much weight on me as I do. Unfortunately, that hasn't been the case. It's frustrating as HECK and makes me cry if I think about it too much. So, I have to remember where I've been, how far I've come, and be happy with at least that much. Spiritually, I've realized how much I rely on my Heavenly Father! I can't even begin to tell you how many times I catch myself praying to Heavenly Father during my long runs. Sometimes I want to lay down on the road and just cry but, that little voice inside me just tells me to keep moving. I pray A LOT!!! None of this has been possibly without the help of my Heavenly Father!
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